Friday, 8 October 2010


'Sexual attraction is relational energy; it pushes us. It is rooted in the relational image of God. The tension we experience when the drive for intimacy kicks in propels us to seek communion with others. Human sexuality allows for the mystery, beauty, diversity, and complexity of human life to be explored and for deepening bonds of intimacy to be formed. We have to move away from thinking that the sole purpose of our sexuality is intercourse.
When the need to be known is met regularly, the sexual drive is decreased. When it is not regularly satisfied, the force of it builds. As the drive increases, we become less able to make wise decisions about how we meet it. A starving man will eat anything that is put before him. An intimacy-neglected man will grasp at any available opportunity to know or be known. The need for intimacy will build without emotional connection, and he will look for this connection in unhealthy and unproductive places (such as pornography, strip clubs or prostitutes). These places and experiences do not truly meet the need for intimacy, so the drive will return quickly. It is only temporarily assuaged by these imposters. This emotional experiences are designed to have relational objects - real people - which anchor them.
The intimacy-starved man is analogous to someone who tries to meet his body's need for food by only eating chocolate. It may taste good, but it doesn't meet the true needs of the body. The body needs a complete diet, not just sugar. It needs vitamins and minerals. A diet of pure sugar makes the body obese, sluggish, underdeveloped and can lead to diabetes. The need for intimacy is like the need for a complete diet. It has many dimensions that are best satisfied through multiple means, not just the sugar of sexual relations.'
William M Struthers, Wired for Intimacy, p.160.